By Rachel Pearce, Ceres Chill mom and Director of Customer Service
Looking for the real things nobody tells you about pregnancy and postpartum? Here is everything that blindsided me across four babies, answered the way I wish somebody had answered it for me. I'm Rachel, a homeschooling mom of four, a former teacher, and I work from home. Four babies in four years, one c-section and three VBACs, and a son who arrived with gastroschisis and spent his first weeks in the NICU. I'm passionate about supporting moms, building strong communities, and finding practical ways to make everyday life a little easier, and when I'm not working or homeschooling you'll probably find me baking bread, cheering on my kids at a baseball game or a jiu-jitsu competition.
Nobody warns you.
Oh, they warn you about the tired. They warn you about the diapers. By now you have seen Safe in the Seat on Instagram and you know the safest way to install a car seat, probably better than whoever is going to check yours.
But not one single person sits you down and tells you the actual stuff.
So I am going to. Four babies in, one of them a c-section, and I am still finding out things I should have known the first time around.
None of this is scary. Most of it is just weird. Weird is a lot easier to handle when somebody tells you it is coming.
Grab your cold coffee. Let us get into it.
What Surprised Me in the Delivery Room
Nobody told me I had to deliver the placenta
I am starting here because I am still not over it.
My first was a c-section, so the delivery part happened on the other side of a curtain and I never had to think about it. Then came my first VBAC, and it did not cross my mind until I was already in the room. Three VBACs later I can tell you they ARE possible, and that is a whole post of its own. Not a huge deal. Just not something I was expecting. WHY, I could not tell you. Do not judge me.
Because I seriously never thought about the placenta. Not once. Not in nine whole months. Not until somebody said the word out loud and I went, wait. There is a SECOND thing that has to come out?
Nobody told me! It never came up! And before anybody asks, yes, I listened to Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way. The whole thing. I must have tuned out for the entire placenta part, because it was brand new information to me in that room.
And it is not a small thing either. It is a real, functioning organ. It handles oxygen, nutrition, waste, and hormones for the entire pregnancy. It is the only organ your body builds on purpose, temporarily, and then delivers.
You grow it. You use it. You hand it over.
And then everybody in the room just carries on with their day like that was normal.
There was a knot in my daughter’s umbilical cord
I did not know that was a thing that could happen. At all.
They call it a true knot, and it is exactly what it sounds like. An actual knot, tied in the cord, usually early in pregnancy when the baby is small enough to swim circles in there and loop right through.
It happens in around 1% of births. Most of the time nobody has any idea it is there until the baby is already out, because it does not reliably show up on an ultrasound.
I stood there looking at it thinking, that was in there the whole time. All those months. All those appointments. Nobody knew.
And she was completely fine. That is the part I want you to hear, because I know what your brain does with information like this at 3 AM. Most true knots are found after a perfectly normal delivery and never cause a single problem.
I do want to be straight with you though, true knots can cause problems. If one pulls tight it can restrict blood flow, and that is why they are linked to a higher risk of complications. It is also VERY uncommon, and the large majority of these knots stay loose, do nothing at all, and get spotted by a nurse (in my case it was my doctor that said it happened to one of his kids too) holding a cord after a completely ordinary birth.
But I do think about it. My girl tied herself a knot before she ever got here and then came out just fine anyway. Feels like a personality preview honestly.
What Surprised Me While I Was Pregnant
Quick thing before this next part. I am not a doctor. I am a mom with a phone. Anything on this list that is actually worrying you goes to your provider, not to me.
My feet changed size and never changed back
Relaxin loosens the ligaments in your ENTIRE body. Not just your hips. That includes the arches of your feet, which flatten out, which makes your feet longer.
I was a size 7. Sometimes a 7 and a half.
I am a solid 8 now and I have been for years.
Four kids and a whole new shoe size. Nobody mentioned that trade at the door.
Can I still drink coffee?
Yes. Breathe.
Most guidance lands around 200 mg of caffeine a day, which is roughly one 12 ounce coffee. Not zero.
I spent my first pregnancy feeling guilty about half a cup, which is time I will never get back.
Can I dye my hair while pregnant?
Generally considered fine, especially after the first trimester, and especially with highlights that stay off your scalp.
Crack a window and go live your life. You are growing a person. You are allowed to like your hair.
What is the deal with deli meat?
Not cold, is the usual answer, because of listeria risk. Heated until it is steaming is the standard workaround.
So yes, you can absolutely microwave a turkey sandwich.
And yes. It is every bit as sad as it sounds.
I will also say, by my third baby I was definitely walking into Jimmy John’s and eating that turkey cold like a woman with nothing left to prove. No regrets. Not one.
Is it bad to sleep on my back?
Side sleeping is what gets recommended later on, mostly for blood flow. But if you wake up flat on your back at 4 AM, you did not hurt anybody.
Roll over. Go back to sleep. You need it more than you need the guilt.
Why am I THIS gassy?
Progesterone slows your entire digestive system down. Everything moves slower. Everything sits longer.
And, well. You know.
It is not you. It is chemistry. I promise you every pregnant woman you have ever admired was also dealing with this.
The Questions I Was Too Embarrassed to Ask Out Loud
You know the ones. The ones you type with one thumb at 3 AM and then hope nobody ever borrows your phone.
Do you poop during labor?
Probably. And I need you to hear the next part, because this is the thing people lose sleep over for no reason.
Nobody in that room notices. It is so routine that it gets handled before you are even aware it happened, by people who have seen it on every shift of their entire careers. The muscles you use to push a baby out are the same ones you use for that, so it is honestly a sign you are pushing correctly.
It will matter to you for about four seconds and to absolutely nobody else, ever.
What about the first poop after birth?
This is the one everybody whispers about, and fair enough.
It usually shows up somewhere around day two to five. For most of us the dread is worse than the event, though I am not going to tell you it is nothing, because for some women it is genuinely rough.
What actually helps: get ahead of it on day one rather than waiting until day three when you already need it. They will offer you a stool softener, and take it if you want it, but I personally prefer magnesium. By my third baby I was packing my own in my hospital bag, these raspberry lemon Calm gummies, and my L&D nurse had no problem at all with me taking them. Ask your own provider anyway, because every hospital and every situation is different, but I wanted you to know there was another option.
Not sponsored, and there are no affiliate links anywhere in this post. I just liked them.
Drink more water than seems reasonable. And if you have stitches, holding a clean pad against them for counter pressure helps more than you would ever expect.
Nobody told me any of that the first time. I had it figured out by the fourth.
Did my water break or did I pee?
The unglamorous truth is that a whole lot of us cannot tell.
Amniotic fluid usually keeps on coming and does not smell like urine. That is the general rule.
But if you are truly unsure? That is a phone call to your provider, not a search bar. Nobody at that office is going to think you are ridiculous. They get this call constantly.
Can the baby feel it when I laugh or sneeze?
They feel the movement. They are in a water balloon that just got jostled.
Some babies go completely still. Some start kicking like they are filing a formal complaint with management.
Does the baby know when I am sad?
They do not know why. But they do pick up on hormone shifts and heart rate.
Now hear me on this part, because I know exactly where your brain just went. That is not a reason to feel guilty for having a hard day. They pick up on the calm days too, and you are going to have a lot more of those than you think.
What Surprised Me About Postpartum (The Part Nobody Preps You For)
Here is the thing about postpartum. The baby comes out, and every single person in that room turns to look at the baby.
Meanwhile. Over here. Still very much happening:
Nobody told me you bleed for weeks. Even with a c-section.
This one floored me.
It is called lochia and it can last up to six weeks. It is not a period. It is the spot where your placenta was attached, healing over.
And here is what nobody says loudly enough: you bleed after a c-section too. I honestly thought a c-section meant you got to skip that part. You do not. Your placenta detached either way, so that wound has to close either way.
Six weeks. Of pads. After abdominal surgery.
Not in the pamphlet. Nowhere in the pamphlet.
The cramping gets worse with every baby, and nursing makes it worse
Your uterus goes from about two pounds back down to two ounces over roughly six weeks. That whole process is called involution and let me tell you, you can FEEL it. Those are afterpains.
Here is the part that made me sit straight up: they get worse with every single baby.
By number four they were SO BAD that I had to keep a heating pad next to the chair and use it every time I nursed for the first few days. Every time. That was not optional.
And here is why, because I had to look this up myself. Nursing releases oxytocin, and oxytocin is the hormone that makes your uterus contract. Same hormone, both jobs. So every time that baby latched on, I was getting a dose of the exact thing squeezing my uterus back down.
Which means the cramping is not a side effect. It is the whole point. Those contractions are what shrink your uterus and slow the bleeding where your placenta was attached.
Still hurts though. Nobody said understanding it would make it hurt less.
As for why it gets worse each time: a uterus that has been stretched out four times has less tone, so instead of staying calmly clenched it squeezes hard, in waves. You feel every wave.
So no. It is not bad luck and it is not you being dramatic. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists has a genuinely useful breakdown on managing postpartum pain, and I would take that over a Facebook group thread any day of the week.
Get the heating pad or ice pack. Put it by the chair before you need it.
You will sweat through everything you own
Postpartum night sweats are your body dumping every ounce of the extra fluid it spent nine months hoarding. It happens mostly at night and it is DRAMATIC.
I woke up soaked. Changed my shirt. Woke up soaked again.
I thought something was seriously wrong with me. There was not. Now you know, so you get to skip that particular 3 AM panic.
You lose 10 to 12 pounds on day one and still look pregnant
Baby. Placenta. Amniotic fluid. Blood.
All gone in one single afternoon.
And then you look down in the hospital bathroom and you still look about five months along, because your uterus needs six weeks and your skin needs a minute.
Both things are true at the exact same time. Nobody prepares you for that mirror.
When does the postpartum belly actually go away?
It is not one thing on one timeline.
Your uterus takes about six weeks. Skin, muscle, and abdominal separation take a whole lot longer, and some of it changes shape for good.
Nobody says that part out loud enough, so I will say it: you are not doing it wrong. It just takes way longer than the internet led you to believe.
Nobody sent me to pelvic floor therapy either
You get one six week appointment, somebody says the word cleared, and that is the entire rehabilitation plan for a body that just did all of that. In plenty of other countries pelvic floor physical therapy is standard postpartum care. Here it barely gets mentioned.
So if you have leaking, or pressure, or pain, or a core that does not feel like it belongs to you yet, please hear me: that is not just how it is now, and it is not too late. We have a whole post on postpartum pelvic floor physical therapy written by actual pelvic PT professionals, and I would start there.
My hair fell out at month three and I thought I was going bald
Pregnancy hormones stop you from shedding normally, which is where that thick, shiny, best hair of your entire life situation comes from. Then the hormones drop and every one of those held back hairs leaves at once.
It is called telogen effluvium. It is temporary. It grows back as those ridiculous little baby bangs sticking straight up around your hairline.
I was not going bald. I just looked like a very tired dandelion for about six months.
Can I sleep on my stomach again?
Yes, and it is one of the great underrated joys of postpartum life.
Although if you are engorged, you are about to discover a brand new reason not to.
Do I really have to wait six weeks for seggs and working out?
Six weeks is a standard checkpoint, not a magic number. Some of us are nowhere near ready at six weeks and some get cleared earlier.
Your body, your provider, your call.
What Surprised Me About Feeding a Baby
Why am I THIS hungry?
Because making milk burns somewhere in the range of 300 to 500 calories a day.
You are running a small dairy operation out of your own body at 2 AM.
Eat the snack. Eat two.
Your milk changes when your baby is sick
This is the one that made me put my phone down and stare at the wall.
When a baby nurses, a tiny bit of backwash makes it into the nipple. Researchers believe your body reads that and adjusts, and the antibody levels in your milk go up in response to whatever your baby is fighting.
Your body writes custom medicine. Overnight. For free. While you are asleep.
The CDC breastfeeding pages have the real research if you want it straight instead of me hyperventilating about it.
Milk made at 2 AM is different than milk made at 2 PM
Nighttime milk carries more melatonin, which helps your baby start figuring out the difference between day and night.
So the milk you are making while you are the absolute most exhausted is the milk that helps them sleep. Fun times.
The Thing Nobody Tells You About Pregnancy and Postpartum That I Wish Somebody Had Told Me
Everything above is the practical stuff. This is the part I actually needed.
Nobody tells you about the postpartum crying, so I will
Weepy for a week or two is common and usually gets called the baby blues. If it goes past that, or it shows up with dread, rage, numbness, or scary thoughts, that is worth telling somebody about the same day.
And I am going to be honest with you here, because somebody should have been honest with me.
I have been there. I sat there sobbing and wondering if I was a failure because I delivered my baby via c-section. Like my body had started the job and quit halfway through.
At 3 AM, that felt like the truest thing in the entire world.
It was a lie.
You did not fail. You delivered your baby. That is the whole job, and you did it.
Postpartum Support International has a free helpline and they are really, really good at this. Postpartum depression and anxiety are extremely treatable, and needing help is not the same thing as failing. And one more thing
If you are reading this at 3 AM with a baby asleep on your chest and exactly one thumb free, hi. I see you. I have been you four separate times.
Your body is out here doing something enormous and completely absurd that nobody else in that room can even see.
It is not falling apart.
It is working.
Things Nobody Tells You About Pregnancy and Postpartum: Frequently Asked Questions
What are the things nobody tells you about pregnancy and postpartum?
The big ones for me were that you have to deliver the placenta, that you bleed for up to six weeks afterward even with a c-section, that the afterpains get worse with every baby, and that your hair falls out around month three. None of it is dangerous. All of it is shocking when nobody warns you.
Why does breastfeeding make my cramps worse?
Because nursing releases oxytocin, and oxytocin is the same hormone that makes your uterus contract. So the cramping tends to hit hardest while you are actually feeding. It is doing real work, shrinking your uterus and slowing the bleeding, but it is no joke. By my fourth baby I kept a heating pad by the chair and used it every single time.
What is a true knot in the umbilical cord?
It is a real knot tied in the cord, usually early in pregnancy when the baby has enough room to loop through it. It happens in about 1% of births, it usually does not show up on an ultrasound, and most of the time it is discovered after a completely normal delivery. My daughter had one and she was perfectly fine.
Do you still bleed after a c-section?
Yes. Six weeks of bleeding is standard whether you delivered vaginally or surgically, because it is coming from where the placenta detached, not from how the baby came out. I did not know that going in and I really wish I had.
Can you have a VBAC after a c-section?
You can. My first was a c-section and I went on to have three VBACs after it. Whether it is the right call depends on why you had the first one, what kind of incision you have, and what your provider says, so this is a conversation you should have with a VBAC supportive provider. But if somebody has told you that one c-section means all c-sections, that is not automatically true. I can’t recommend The Vbac Link enough for all your questions.
Do your feet really grow during pregnancy?
They do, and for a lot of us they never go back. Relaxin loosens the ligaments in your arches, the arches flatten out, and flatter feet are longer feet. I went from a 7 to a solid 8 and stayed there.
Why do you sweat so much after giving birth?
Your body spent nine months holding onto extra fluid and now it has to get rid of it. It does that through sweat, mostly at night, usually in the first couple of weeks. Annoying, drenching, completely normal.
When does postpartum hair loss start and is it permanent?
It usually kicks in around three to four months postpartum and no, it is not permanent. Pregnancy paused your normal shedding cycle, so it all catches up at once. It grows back, usually as a fringe of short little hairs along your hairline.
How long does postpartum recovery actually take?
The standard checkpoint is six weeks, but that is a checkup, not a finish line. Your uterus shrinks back in about six weeks. Skin, muscle, hormones, hair, and your head all run on their own schedules, and most of them take longer.