Wondering what pregnancy after infertility and loss actually looks like? Not the highlight reel. Here is what six years, two losses, PCOS, and a 5% fertility rate really taught me.
Reyn Madrigal has a 19 year old bonus daughter and is a first time baby mom at 36 years old to a 4 month old.
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Everyone always tells you that it takes time to get pregnant, statistically a year. But then you see others get pregnant on the first try and that’s what you hope for. But then a year goes by, then another, and next thing you know you’re starting to think if there’s something wrong with you. If this is some kind of punishment, or if you’re just never meant to be a parent. My husband and I experienced both instant pregnancy and the long wait, but not in a way we hoped.
Our First Pregnancy: A Rare 1% Twin Diagnosis
We got pregnant before we got married without trying. We were shocked, scared, but happy. It definitely wasn’t the ideal time because I just started a new job and we were getting settled into a new place. I went to my first doctor’s appointment that confirmed I was pregnant, we were having twins, but the doctor spent too long looking at the ultrasound and told me that I had a rare case of monoamniotic-monochorionic. This happens to 1% of twin pregnancies. This is such a high risk because they share the same sack so as they grow, they can entangle themselves in the umbilical cord or one twin can take all the nutrients leaving the other twin malnourished, and during the last trimester I would be hospital bound so they can monitor me 24/7.
The doctor spent an hour going over all the risk, including me losing one or both twins during pregnancy or during birth. Or my husband could lose me or all 3 of us. The chance of all of us surviving was slim, and even if we all did survive there’s no guarantee that one, if not both, the twins wouldn’t have any developmental issues. We had to think about what we wanted to do and if we were mentally, emotionally, and financially able to continue with this pregnancy. In the end, we decided to terminate because the risk was too high for us and emotionally, I don’t think we would have survived if any outcome other than us three surviving happened.
Trying to Conceive Again: 2019, Nothing. 2020, Nothing. 2021, Nothing.
We cried, we mourned, we kept the ultrasounds to always remember them, and we did our best to continue our lives. We got married in 2018 and decided to wait a year into our marriage to start a family again and to enjoy the married life. I went back to school while working at the same time. In 2019 we decided to try and we didn’t think it would take long since it was quick the last time and my husband has a kid from his previous marriage. 2019, nothing. 2020, nothing. 2021, nothing. We started to think something happened to me with the twins. Was it punishment because of the twins? Was it the birth control I was on?
The Thanksgiving Positive Test That Changed Everything
We started to spiral, our marriage became rocky, conceiving became a chore, and pregnancy tests were just disappointing to look at. Then in 2022 on Thanksgiving, I took a test and it was positive. I took one the day before which had the same results. I had a gift bag and shirt ready for my husband and we were staying with family. This was perfect timing to tell them and we were all so excited. I was planning out a big announcement, made a doctor’s appointment, and just riding this bliss. We didn’t want to say anything until we were past the third trimester. So when the doctor confirmed I was 3 months in based on my period, we celebrated. I told my office, my stepdaughter, my mom made calls even though I told her not to, and we scheduled Christmas family pictures as our announcement. His family gave us gifts from my late mother in law to have something for the baby from her.
The Missed Miscarriage: When the Doctor Went Quiet
It was time for our first ultrasound and we were excited to hear the heartbeat. They showed us the ultrasound and we were happy. But then the doctor turned the screen and went quiet. He called in a colleague and then another. We asked what was going on and he said the baby is only 8 weeks but it looks like it stopped growing. He gave us a referral to see an emergency ultrasound tech. We made an appointment that same day and it was the longest and most anxiety filled day of my life. After I saw the tech she said she can’t tell me anything and I would have to wait for my doctor. For a week I was a zombie, mind spiraling, emotions just numb, even typing this I’m struggling to hold it together.
The appointment came and the doctor confirmed what we already suspected, the baby didn’t have a heartbeat. It looks like it stopped at 6 weeks. So I had another choice, do the D&C or to take the pill and be comfortable at home. I chose the pill. We told the doctor about our fertility struggles so he says after this he’ll help us. I fell into so much anger and hate towards the world because that year has been amazing, this pregnancy was going to be the cherry on top. Graduated with my BS in business, landed an amazing position at a law firm, went on a study abroad trip to Ireland with my class, and got accepted to an MBA program.
Our Infertility Diagnosis: PCOS and a 5% Fertility Rate
My husband and I needed a change, so while we were on leave mourning, we started looking for apartments in different locations. Honestly, just anything to avoid family and friends and home. We just wanted the distraction and to find that little joy again. We were each other’s rock and I’m glad our marriage survived this. If anything we got stronger. After I physically healed, we went to see our own fertility specialist where we learned another devastating news. After we went through different tests, my husband had a 5% fertility rate and I had PCOS. We thought that this was a sign that we weren’t meant to be parents to our own, that maybe we were meant to adopt. We’ve been caring for our neglected niece and nephew and maybe that’s what we were meant to do.
Choosing the Kid Free Life (For Real This Time)
We decided to just grow in our careers, we traveled, focused on my stepdaughter going to college, and enjoyed our marriage to the fullest, and finished my master’s program. After 2 years of trying and not trying, we just decided that we’ll enjoy the kid free life. We have money and time to travel, we enjoy impromptu trips and dates, splurging on ourselves and our daughter, and enjoying our hobbies.
I bought the Oura ring to help track fertility but I didn’t bother to listen to it religiously, more just to keep track. I quit my toxic job for a better paying one, we went on a weekend drinking binge with friends, and went on a week long cruise to Mexico with my parents. It was my husband’s first time on a cruise so my dad said it was our honeymoon to get some freebies for us. We celebrated like our honeymoon by going to an all day tequila and mezcal tasting and getting professional pictures. We decided we wanted to keep doing trips.
How I Found Out I Was Pregnant After Infertility and Loss
Getting Pregnant After Infertility: The Sign I Almost Ignored
Since I have PCOS, skipping my periods one to two months at a time was normal. But my husband and stepdaughter kept insisting I take a test. I ignored them, but when my app told me I should take a test and my dog never left my side, that’s when I listened. Our dog, Max, was attached to my side the same way he was with our previous pregnancy. I told my husband and stepdaughter, let’s get tests.
Five Dollar Tree Tests and One Clear Blue
Of course, why was it so hard to find tests now! We went to 3 Dollar Trees before we found one that had them in stock. They bought the last 5 tests and a chocolate bar for me. 3 consecutive days at different times I took all 5 tests and they all said positive. I said I needed it spelled out so we went and got the Clear Blue and it said pregnant. We were in shock but no jumping for us until we see my OB. I started taking prenatals, watching what I ate, and quit drinking. I started this job in August, took the test in September, and insurance didn’t kick in until October. So we were in limbo for a month.
The First Ultrasound After Two Losses
I didn’t notice anything different other than being tired and hungry, but that’s normal for me. Saw my doctor, got the OB referral, and thankfully I was able to get an appointment the following week. Appointment came and everyone prayed for us. We saw the ultrasound and FINALLY heard the heartbeat. The tears that came pouring out was insane. We hugged and kissed, and my OB couldn’t be happier knowing our history. Because I was 35, I was considered high risk so she wanted to see me every 2 weeks alongside a specialist to make sure the baby is growing and developing normally. I was 8 weeks so we had to wait a month before we’re comfortable with an announcement.
A High Risk Pregnancy After Loss at 35
The Mental Checklist of Tests We Had to Pass
I had a really good feeling about this pregnancy, I don’t know how to describe it but I just knew everything was going to be ok. But that didn’t stop the worry my brain kept bringing up. I kept a mental checklist of all the tests we needed to pass to ease my mind because I still felt like it was too good to be true. We needed to pass each appointment, my blood pressure, my blood test, the glucose test, the multiple genetic testings, then when he’s born the hearing and other genetic testing.
Failing the Glucose Test: Gestational Diabetes
Each month and each test we passed and I was able to let go of some stress. Until the glucose test, which I knew I would fail and I did based on the statistics. But if that’s the only thing I fail, then I’ll push through it. I changed my diet, went on medication, and checked my blood sugar 4 times a day. During the last trimester, they said he was getting big because of gestational diabetes and that we need to monitor him and me closely. I couldn’t get my morning numbers down so I had to go on insulin. During the last month I had to see them both once a week. So thankful my job is flexible, understanding, and supportive through this even though I’ve been with them for only a few months. So supportive that they gave me alternative lunch options during the monthly staff lunch days to help with my gestational diabetes. They even threw me a baby shower and it was absolutely amazing, of course I cried, stupid hormones.
Induction Week: I Tried Everything to Go Into Labor
The specialist said that he’s growing at 86th percentile and he’ll need to come out at 38 weeks because he’s running out of room. So they scheduled my induction but my OB says to keep walking and stay active because I might go into labor on my own. After doing 2 Disneyland days recently I would hope so. The weekend before my induction, we got our apartment and hospital bag ready. I also drank 3 induction drinks from Starbucks and Dutch Bros, I was desperate because I didn’t want to be induced. I heard enough stories that I didn’t want it part of mine. I was also jumping up and down trying to get him lower which my husband said I couldn’t jump him out. My induction was on Tuesday at 11 pm and on Monday at 2 am my water broke. My husband was wrong, I could jump him out.
2 AM, My Water Broke
In a daze, we grabbed our bags and my husband of course left packing his stuff last minute thinking we had an extra day. I called my mom to let them know my water broke and we’re dropping off Max, but at 2 am, all she could do was respond with OK. Poor Max had no idea what was going on as my husband grabbed him in his arms, our bags in the carseat and stroller, and threw him and our stuff in the car. He gave him a kiss and an apology as we dropped him off at my parents and drove to the hospital.
When we arrived, I was already 3 cm, almost 4 and they got me prepped and dressed. I would like to give a shout out to my husband, Josh, for being calm and taking point on answering their questions about my gestational diabetes and handling ALL the group messages with our friends and family. Especially being coherent and remembering everything because I sure didn’t. I thought it was crazy when women said that their labor was a blur, I thought it would be pretty hard to forget. I remembered everything when I left the hospital but now 4 months postpartum, it’s a frustrating blurry haze that I can only recall bits and pieces of. Even the order of some events are lost to me. But I’m glad my husband took pictures and can recall the important stuff, and I’m also glad he didn’t need his inhaler or fainted when he saw blood. 14 hours of labor and 2 hours of pushing we finally got to meet our, not so big, 6 pound and 9 ounce baby.
Four Months Postpartum: The Worry Doesn’t Fully Leave
Even though we were overcome with joy with our perfect little guy, after the trauma we went through, I don’t think the worry ever leaves. Because I was impatiently waiting for his results for the hearing test, the other genetic testing, and his APGAR score. (Thank you Jen Hamilton for your book because I wouldn’t have gotten through this without it.) Thankfully, they all came back good. He’s now 4 months thriving, growing, laughing, and developing but I’m still waiting for bad news to come. I hope it never does, but I won’t let that stop me from enjoying every middle of the night wake ups, fussiness, pumping and breastfeeding frustrations, blow outs, and cold meals because one day all these moments will become a memory.
And one more thing. I’m not a doctor, this is just my story. If your body feels off, if your cycles are weird, if something in your gut is telling you to ask questions, go ask them. Don’t wait as long as we did.
If you’ve lost a baby along the way to your rainbow, we now offer a rainbow baby engraving option to honor them, something small to carry that memory with you. Just upload this photo and add any text you love ❤️
FAQ: Pregnancy After Infertility and Loss
How long does pregnancy after infertility and loss actually take?
For us, six years. A termination in 2017, three years of nothing, a miscarriage on Thanksgiving 2022, and then a positive test in 2024 when we had completely stopped trying. There is no timeline. Anyone who gives you one is guessing.
Can you get pregnant naturally with PCOS and low male fertility?
Yes. My husband had a 5% fertility rate and I have PCOS, and we conceived with no treatments, no IVF, no tracking. I had literally quit paying attention.
Do dogs know you’re pregnant before a test does?
Ours did. Max glued himself to my side exactly like he did during my previous pregnancy, and that was the thing that finally made me take a test. My app said take one too, but honestly? The dog convinced me.
Are Dollar Tree pregnancy tests accurate?
I took 5 of them over 3 consecutive days at different times of day and every single one was positive. Then I confirmed with a Clear Blue because I needed the word spelled out. They did their job for a dollar.
Is 35 considered a high risk pregnancy?
Mine was. Because I was 35, my OB wanted me every 2 weeks plus a specialist to check growth and development, and that was before gestational diabetes put me on insulin and weekly appointments.
Does the anxiety go away once the baby is here healthy?
Not completely. He’s 4 months old, thriving, and I’m still bracing for bad news. What changed is that I stopped letting the waiting steal the good parts.